JoslinsROCK: 2007

2007-06-19 - Arrival in Belize

And awaaaaaayy we go!!

Guess who’s in Belize?

Well. me for instance. How did I get here. How did this happen.

For those of you who didn’t know, I recently “retired.”

“Retired” in the sense that my company (and I) which we sold last July, recently came to the conclusion, or “mutual agreement” that 1). They would stop paying me, and 2). I would stop showing up.

For that, I’m retired. It was a lifelong dream, and at 42 nonetheless.. Wow I’m going to enjoy it now! Living in my car, Traveling as far as the severance package allows. Freedom. The wind…

Awww Shit, I’ll be back at work in a couple of weeks. I can’t slow down that fast. I’m only on my 12th anniversary of my 30th birthday…

Besides, there’s that little voice in my head saying: “You want to eat dog food and live in a car the rest of your life?” BBaaaa HAAAA !!!

Ok, I’ll go back to work later. But for now, I’m in Belize.

Our adventure is but one day old, and already, we’ve met the Coutimundi people, the Dinosaur Hunters, and Drank rum while chomping Genips Poolside, overlooking the Guatemalan Border. All this and I have yet to be detained. Third world Police are no Match for JoslinsROCK!!!

There’s a lot of Rum here. I have done my best, but man! I need some help. Send reinforcements. It’s called One Barrel. It’s a deeply smoked Rum I have fallen in love with several times today. Like every time I pick up this glass.

But I guess I digress. I awoke at 3 AM, from a dream of love. The beach kind of love that only my wife can provide…. Ooops. Wrong blog. But true story. There’s no going back to sleep when you know you only have an additional hour to sleep.

If you didn’t know, the correct answer to the following question is 4:45 AM.

“honey, we’re 99% packed, and the dog is off to camp, having flipped us off with his little doggie paw, so, my question is… What time do we need to get up for a 9 AM flight?

And so it begins.

We’re light packers. Kinda… Like…… Moving van kinda vacationers…. “kitchen Sink” ring a bell to you? No shit. 44 pounds bags. Not just one or two, like you lightweights. But 10 Solid 40+ pound bags.

Do the math. 440 pounds, use 44 pounds of “stuff” a day, and throw the rest away. You go 14 days, and come home with a giant empty suitcase of Belizean Rum. That’s the goal. Get with the Program.

Yup, For two weeks, we managed to carry down 10 bags, all straining at 40+ pounds apiece. I thought my wife was crazy, until she answered the following question:

“Honey, What the FU$#%#$CK are you bringing bottles of WATER in the suitcase? I think if the country supports human life, you can reasonably expect there to be potable water.”

Response:

“We drink the water, fill the empties with Painkillers from our recipe”

Minda 1 Jon 0
Point!!!

And off we went.

Out limo driver arrived exactly at the pre-determined time of 6:45 AM. That s to say, the MUV (MOM Utility Vehicle) rolled out of the driveway at the pre-determined time, and our adventure began.

We were off to the airport, and dropped expertly at the curb, a mere 100 feet from our determined location. Not sure what was up with that, but I vaguely recall waving my arms to four porters, evidently not ready to work, as I carried said 440 pounds of “stuff” across the street from the “new” drop-off area.

Boarding passes in hand, and a quick wait at the airport, and we boarded the plane.

Young love… Young Love. Let’s get together and feel all right…

I sat next to a couple who got married the previous Saturday, and were on the way down to Ramons, on Ambergris Caye (That’s “KEY” to you and me).

I knew they were just married. Why? Here’s young love… She falls asleep. On him, leans over. He doesn’t do any of the following:

1). Thump her on the head
2). Invite others nearby to touch her nose
3). Pretend the plane is crashing
4). Paint, Shave, or color on her in any way.

I assured him he’d learn these and many many more, in the future.

My only regret was that I misspelled JoslinsROCK!!! on the side of her head. We’ll run into them on Ambergris later in the trip I am sure.

As she awoke, and I blamed the nearest flight attendant for her new hairdo, and as they restrained her,

I thought that she really could use a vacation.

I was secretly loving the fact that Belize especially Rocks, as the distance of the flight involved was so short (2 hours direct flight.. WOW! And did I mention all on miles?).

Belize Customs, Immigration and Baggage claim took a total of 17 minutes, including picking up my Rental. The airport is especially easy, and you pass immigration before getting your bags, then get them (mine were off first!!), then pass customs. That’s when you realize the “free” carts that are everywhere, are only free to the end of the customs area. A porter took it from here, and took my bags the 50 feet to the rental place (Budget if you care).

A Mitsubishi Outlander later, and I was one my way!! PS, Don’t even dream of getting a car here, as aside from the main highways, we’re talking unpaved roads!

As researched as I thought I was, the first thing the rental car lady asked was why on earth I was going through Belize City to get to San Ignacio, did I not know about the shortcut. After indicating it was a secret, and I couldn’t tell her, She showed me the Burrell Boom shortcut.

Thought for the day? Any shortcut that starts In the opposite direction of your intended direction, is not a shortcut. But alas, I was wrong, as this one avoided the city, and joins up at about Mile 15 on the western highway. Don’t worry, I’ll show you. I’m going with you on your vacation. Again.

On the way up, we stopped at Cheers, about mile mark 30. This involved us passing our intended destination by a mile, and returning.. That’s always fun with the kids..

Nope, we missed the zoo. Sorry kids, Can’t turn back. Got a schedule, and we just saved two hours.. haha.

PS, we left everything except cameras, passports and GPS in the car as we spent three hours in the zoo.. It was all there on the way out!

Back to lunch. At Cheers, I walked in and Yelled “NORM.”

IT was only funny to me, my wife, and the 6 cruise ship people who, at that PRECISE moment, seemed to enjoy passing freshly squeezed Watermelon juice through their noses..

I thought it was a Belizean tradition, but was not very good at it.

Neither was Remy.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Bellikin beer.. Cheers carried all three kinds..

It’s the only beer you’ll find down here, I am told.

So, back to the zoo. In 1983 or so, a person or persons decided not to eat the stars of a documentary being filmed, and created the zoo. That the short story.

The long story.. You have to see it! Animals in regular pens, a mere inches away, with no separation (or safety ditches, etc.

There are signs indicating you may lose a finger.. They mean it, and remarkable, we respected it! We saw Howler Monkeys, Toucans, Jaguars, Ocelots, etc from REALLLY close up!

I highly enjoyed the zoo, and having lived and been to the San Diego zoo many times, this was a treat that equaled it.

We almost passed it up, but I highly recommend, due to the nature of the way the animals are held (hostage?), you see this..

It’s up close and personal.

We moved on toward the Guatemalan border, with brief stops along the way. Guanacaste national Park, where we started our birding expedition.

Belize rocks for birding, and thanks to our lovely Aunt Julie (who unfortunately didn’t get to join us after all), we were armed with the 300+ page BIRDS in BELIZE book. I think at last count, we got over 115 species spotted!

We arrived at Cathal Pech Village, after realizing Central American Rule #14. The Bridge is one way. and not the way you are thinking.. Man they can get awnry! Haha..

The view.. The pool with a Pterodactyl.. It was awesome..

In my 500 emails back and forth with BARB, of BARBSBELIZE.COM (shameless plug for which I receive nothing), We went from looking for a two bedroom, to forgetting that this unit would not have a kitchen..

OOPS!! I think I failed to realize we had switched.

Oh well.. See 440 Pounds of stuff get dragged to the third floor.

As I was muttering, and drinking my first bottle of One Barrel (If I was to make it a whole barrel, I had a lot of work to do), I met the Dinosaur Hunters. These guys were working.. OH MYYYYY That sucks. There were four employees in oil and gas exploration, and they could tell tales.. They had been working 10+ hours days for six months.

Damn they were working down here… Not to mention the company, but it rhymes with Pchlumberger. My son loved the fact that these guys were talking about finding and Hunting dinosaurs, and when they found them, they would rip them from the ground, process the hack out of them, and BURN THEM in their cars… He was left with:
a). Nightmares
b). a distict nagging directive that I too, should burn dinosaurs in my car!
c). a desire to drink with these guys every night. Which, by chance, we did.

Early expectations, thoughts and a closing note.
WADE UNGER, wherever you are, there ARE Coatimundi!! And people DO hunt them!!

Short story, for 20 years, I’d occasionally ask if the story my friend Wade in high school told me was true. Evidently, when they lived in Panama, they’d Coutimundi “hunt” which involved, kids, Flashlights, Paper Bags, and standing in the forest “chasing” these unknown creatures toward one person..

Sound Familiar? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snipe_hunt.

I always thought they were a figment…

But alas, after a conversation at the zoo, and seeing one, I am a believer!

PS, as I finish a couple plates of assorted spicy Pastas, the bartender tells me it’s last call, and pours a five finger rum for the first time tonight, I find myself dreaming of bed, and wondering… Where do the dishes go?

My Valium Salt Lick calls.. See you in the morning.

PS, Sleeping Policeman are speedbumps!